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Saturday, June 11 5:21 PM scratching myself till i bleed apparently even my head can itch and my neck has rash malfunctioning skin fucking hate it all
2:47 PM  Labels: ART
Tuesday, June 7 7:19 PM THE  IS near
Saturday, June 4 9:20 AM When I was younger I never actually figured out why the Yellow Ribbon Project never actually worked out until very recently the nail was finally hit on its head Redemption and the reinstated norm here is coined as personal value (A) , whereby it applies to the certain need for re-acceptance by a prisoner of such. Which then refutes the line that claims "You are the prisoner of your own rules" It, my dear friends, will never apply because of how society weaves itself into our emotions and self image, unless you're a fucking hermit or a monk - which isn't such a bad option either The Yellow Ribbon Project has an extremely positive side, whereby both parties stand to gain - for the prisoner, (A) . For the employer (B) , the option of having cheap labour and the positive feeling for being able to give someone hope, being able to rebuild lives, etc... but thats not the point. It's the positive gains that (B) gets - loyalty, an extra worker, bla bla bla bla bla We could probably stop here and relate all positive effects to term (C) Yet (C) comes at a price, whereby risk in involved and the fear of getting double crossed and having your trust misplaced strangles employer (B) and in this case one can see the threading of society where it is not faith that the world relies on, but however instead doubt and fear which holds us together. The more comfortable option of staying right where you are in a safe bubble (D) prevails as always,- and in turn (A) is then yet again placed in the unaccepted form and awkward and out of place. Basically, (A) doesn't belong in the footholds of society but rather the dungeons whereby the solitary confinements seem so much more an embrace free from stabs and stampedes and slow-mo falls and the repeat of giving it all, cracking at the peak, realising reality, serving the sentences, and coming out getting stabbed all over again. Despite, of course, true repentence, but nobody's gonna believe you because of factor (D) which rules over everything worldly out there. That of course is backed by the line, "You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villian" What i've been writing is quite messy, but if you can see the circle which rules this equation : (A) and (B) are expecting (C), yet (D) comes right into play and the unwillingless of risk to be dared to achieve (C) leaves (A) and (B) stagnant on the spot - Or rather where (A) stays and probably recedes, (B) is positively moving. That my friends, is why prisoners never fully get out of their prison and why jail is so much more of a comfort than the world - as depicted by James Whitmore in Shawshank Redemption Not by the boundaries that you set, but by the expectations of society And That, my friends, will be why I will soon disappear and walk the halls like a ghost. ____________________________________
Friday, June 3 11:31 PM jiao eh hang sua
Monday, May 30 12:17 AM  40 hands Labels: ART
Friday, May 27 2:25 AM   Labels: ART
Friday, May 20 7:33 PM So today i spend my day Sleeping Having dreams of paranoia Lying on bed bathing in sweat Doing nothing Becoming Nothing
Thursday, May 19 1:53 AM  Ippudo has seriously legit pork slices though 2 bucks a bite slice is a fucking rip
Wednesday, May 18 2:13 AM I Am Lost only for A Little While
Tuesday, May 17 10:25 PM It hurts when I repeatedly tell you that I miss you and i need you and all I get is Nope.
11:10 AM i have to stop scratching my hands
Monday, May 16 11:12 PM 10:23 PM okay fuck this is not cool im not supposed to be sobbing
10:10 PM This is the part where i say I am a bad person part 2 i dont know what ive done and how ive done it but i just feel so rotten inside all the time theres no mood for anything productive while there are so many other things to think of that matters but my mind just cant get off you for a minute i mean did i kill the night off - quite possibly, looking back at myself i dont know sometimes i hate myself for being myself i dislike myself to the point that i dont even know when to let go or give in so basically in a nutshell i am dissappointed in myself and i shall continue the self loathe tonight geez way to be cool more like i fucked the whole thing up fucking useless thing i am damn okay time to cry goodbye people :"(
5:22 PM ---------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for the Green tea Frappe it was very nice and made nicer because of the kind gesture thank you ---------------------------------------------------------------- \ 2:41 AM I am a bad person. I plead to God for forgiveness, before falling all over into the same pitfalls that bring me down over and over again I repeatedly ask myself if it could had been better if I had not did this did that did whatever but sometimes the paranoia and nervousness just engulfs me to this pitiful, weak state with a mentality of a 5 year old boy everytime i tell myself yeah this is serious i wont do it again is when it hits the hardest and everytime it causes me to sin over and over again it feels worse right after it ends there is no excitement in it at all yet my flesh cannot help but crave for this temporal gain it is all but an escape from my supposed escape can't you see it? when an escape exit is closed i turn to the other exit where in turn althought i get out of the room, the exit leads me to the first exit where the first exit is now a flaming sword that cuts my heart into pieces and it cuts just where it hurts the most i am so confused and lost yet amidst this chaos there is even more chaos and there is too much on my plate for me to even nibble out of it someone is pushing my face onto the whole plate and mushing my face onto the bottom i am at the point where another step takes me into a flying fuck down a thousand feet into nothingness in my desperation god surely you must save me do not leave me now my father for i am dirty and desperate for a shower i know i do not deserve but in your great mercy please pour out someone to save me from all the mess that surrounds me this is a whirlpool of self discouragement where i hate myself uncontrollably for being incontrollable why is it that one can become a puppet to whom who controls it seemingly dependent on my actions or am i thinking too much into things but i think auto karma exists somewhere ? or does it not or am i paranoid but my repeat observations prove me right as i fall again and again and again and again and again why do i seem incorrigible F U C K i cannot bear myself anymore i need to escape from all this shit to a land far far away there is too much pain for my soul to bear where is this cup which i can remove where is the wickedness i can remove for i bring upon myself nothing but trouble time and time again after i know it will happen this is insanity in its finest display i think i should be in a mental hospital or something yet i am dying day by day rotting myself away and sadly only few observe and notice yet for those who have i greatly thank you for you have been with me this while and there is nothing i can do but thank you all over and over and over again while i fade into nothingness oh my spirit is down jesus i need you do not give up on me
2:15 AM Please someone help me
I'm dying here in front of you
Thursday, May 12 12:03 AM Turn your head, across the sea, wave your sorrow, wait for me, and with my eyes, I see your face , drifting slowly in this place, and now it seems, theres no time to fill, all these hours, standing still, and where I am, it might not be there, a place I know, I will disappear
Wednesday, May 11 9:32 AM  Hi God i need some form of balance in this lunacy sin is the anchor holding me down but since then i have restrained from sin why is there still so many anchors 
| H o m e S e a r c h LABELS a r t m e n w o m e n f i l m m o n d a y s s c a n s b l a c k s i g n s PEOPLE d i o n b a n k s y d a u d f a n n y g a b i h e l m i k w a j e t m a r c u s o b e y a p p a r e l l o o p s a m a n t h a a u d r e y v a r u n a i s h a h a z r i s i u f a n g r y a n m e m o r i a m
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